Top 5 ways for basketball players to get around without cars

Disclaimer: This is going to be a fun one, please don’t take what I say too seriously, unless you think it might work. Then hype this up as much as possible so we don’t see any more #FreeBilly situations.

1) Walk

Now this may seem pretty easy, because it is. The rest of us common folk have to walk all over the place, and if the basketball team did that there couldn’t be issues, and it’d be easy to tell if they’re actually going to class.

2) Run

It’s not too much different from the first option, but it has added benefits. Can you imagine what kind of shape these guys would be in if they had to run everywhere?! Those hills are monsters.

3) Scooter

I feel like a lot of the passion in sports gets lost by the time people get to high school and college. They forget what it was like to play as a kid. They lose the natural curiosity and wonder that came with being a small tike. You know how to restore that child-like wonder? Scooters. Every kid loves scooters. Maybe get the ones that make sparks out of the back, too.

4) Personal Driver

I am actually going to be a gracious person and volunteer to be the driver. If a player needs to go somewhere, just call me up. Odds are I’d be hanging out with them and our other friend Bill Self anyway. This seems like the best option in my opinion, there are just a couple logistical things to work out first.

5) Helicopter

Hear me out. A player hops in a helicopter, it goes straight up into the air, and there are no curbs, or parked cars, or tail lights, or anything else that may cause problems. It’s the air. You can’t tell me this doesn’t sound like another STELLAR idea. We could end these player issues once and for all, with a simple donation from our favorite money spenders (Booth, Anderson, Horejsi, etc.)

If anyone works for the University or has any ideas to help make these ideas become a reality, feel free to contact me on the Twitter account you used to find this list. Thank you for your time.

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